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Does it happen to be in a busy store or social gathering and suddenly, your child throws a big temper tantrum?
How should you respond to this?
What happens when tantrums become more frequent, more intense, and last longer?
Here are 7 effective strategies to help you promote positive behaviour, prevent and deal with children’s temper tantrums.
A tantrum is an episode of frustration and anger -a way of expression when a young child deals with a challenge. Tantrums are common for children 1-3 years old.
Tantrum behaviours can be as mild such as whining, or as severe as head banging or breath-holding until the child stops breathing and loses consciousness for a short time. The most common behaviours associated with temper tantrums include crying, screaming, falling to the floor, banging one’s head,kicking, throwing objects, pushing and pulling, or biting.
Children this age, are developing their language, communication skills as well as social-emotional skills; oftentimes they might be unable to express what they feel or want and this can result easily in a tantrum.
Common causes of children’s temper tantrums
- seeking attention(e.g: feeling bored or ignored)
- inability to quickly express a need and become frustrated (lack of expressive language )
- access to the desired item (e.g: you turn off the TV ) or action (he wants to put a shirt on, by himself, no help) is denied
- experience difficulty in problem-solving a situation or completing a task
- want to escape a task/demand or challenge
- sensory processing issues-e.g: aversion to noises, lights, textures….(more common for children with autism)
How to prevent children’s temper tantrums?
1. Make environmental adaptations to reduce unwanted behaviours
- provide developmentally appropriate activities and toys and have developmentally appropriate expectations from your child; if the activity is too hard for his level, your child is likely to find a way to escape it and tantrums are one easy way.
- rearrange furniture /chairs or put some things out of sight if he always climbs onto one chair to access items.
- Place items that are off-limits for your child out of sight and reach.
2. Always tell your child WHAT TO DO instead of what NOT to DO and reduce the use of “NO” or “STOP”.
It is very common for parents to use “NO” and ‘Stop”.These words are, in fact, not teaching your child what to do, therefore even they stop the unwanted behaviour, they will display it again, soon.
- If your child runs in the house, tell him “WALK”; reinforce that instead of saying “NO or STOP running”, very often.; ” no” and “stop” can be, of course, used but only when really needed such as safety issues.
- If your child is drawing on the walls, redirect him to “paper ” and say “draw on paper”.
- Saying often ‘NO’ will only reinforce unwanted behaviour.
3. Give the opportunity of daily choice making
When children make appropriate choices during the day, they learn to make decisions, gain a sense of self -confidence and control. (“you want animals book or letters book?” or “want pear or apple”) .
4. Establish consistent daily routines
Consistency and repetition are very important strategies in children learning and daily routines are great learning opportunities because they are functional, repetitive and consistent. Children learn to anticipate what routine is coming next and this will help reduce negative behaviours related to transitions.
To learn more on how to use daily routines to increase learning, focus and decrease behaviours, please check my post “How to use Daily Routines to dramatically increase communication for your non-verbal preschooler“
5. Give warning before ending an activity
Often times, children get upset, even tantrum when they are told screen time is done or is time to go home from the park. It is important to give warnings, for instance, “5 more minutes and we go home”, so you can prepare him for the change and always follow through with what you say.
6. Focus on your child ‘s good behaviours and reward/praise.
Take time to observe and praise when your child does something good.
Rewards can be anything that your child enjoys at that time ( favourite toy or activity, treat, movie, buying an item, play with a friend, screen time). It helps to motivate children to learn and behave well.
7. Use social stories or visuals to help children learn good behaviours and understand their feelings.
Social stories are fun, great learning tools for children. You can find stories, songs or videos that are created with children or cartoon characters that describe behaviours (“No biting social story “), actions or skills (“Potty song”), feelings (“I am mad” ); these stories teach children easy steps to deal with a situation or learn new skills/good behaviours.
How to deal with a tantrum and assist with self-regulation?
- Stay calm and provide comfort (hugs) if needed -it does not include to give back something he cried for -it only reinforces a bad behaviour
- Acknowledge your child’s emotions. This can help to deescalate the situation.
- Wait until the tantrum is finished and avoid unnecessary explanations at that time.
- Be consistent and always follow through with what you say .
- Redirect when appropriate to another activity.
- How you should respond to a tantrum depends on the cause of the tantrum (see some examples below)
Example 1: your child tantrums after he was denied watching TV
Ideas: Keep Calm/ Ignore and wait for the child to finish crying /Avoid providing explanations and unnecessary talking/ Redirect him/her to another activity, once he/she is calm -give a choice of 2 activities. To prevent further tantrums is great to plan daily TV time , and use First/Then strategy to let your child know when is happening or a daily schedule board with visuals; children learn best from routines, so attaching TV time with a routine -e.g: after dinner,20 min and using a timer to indicate ending is a great way to work out this time.
Conclusion
Even though children’s temper tantrums are common episodes in early childhood, responding effectively in these situations, is very important. It will assist your child to self-regulate, communicate better and decrease their intensity and duration.
As a parent, you can empower yourself with learning tools to help your young children to deal with their emotions, and become more independent in a positive way. Being calm, using a consistently effective approach to your child’s behaviours will only result in gains and well being for the entire family.
